More About My Mother

Look, I have about ten minutes before I have to be asleep or I am going to kill everybody on the road tomorrow in a huge fiery crash because I will be attempting to nap and drive at the same time, so what I am going to do is write as much as I can about my mother and when the ten minutes are up, I will stop, even if it is in the middle of a sentence.

My mother (like most mothers, I expect) enjoys telling embarrassing stories about me in front of people who I don't want to hear embarrassing stories about me. Naturally, I developed several different ways to combat this.

The first was the "no, mom, that was my sister, Kari. You're getting us confused again." I stopped using that one when I accidentally pulled it out on her "And then he peed all over me, while I was changing his diaper," story.

The second was "Mom, tell that story about the time I almost got mauled by a bear! That one's my favorite!" (Please note: You have already heard this story from me. My mother tells it better.) I stopped using this one when I thoughtlessly asked for it during a dinner conversation with a former zookeeper...

Who had been mauled by a bear and lost his leg.

The third was "Mom, they don't want to hear that. Tell something else, preferably about Kari."

I stopped using that one when we had a deaf person and her interpreter over for dinner.

These days, I sit back and take the embarrassment. It's just not worth the risk to stop it.